Finding Peace where there is None.

Decadent Chocolate Cake at the Bentley's Coffee Bar. It was peaceful there, packed full of students, conversations BUZZED loudly. The salads were wonderful made with spinach leaves, sprouts, fresh ranch dressing, tomato's, carrots, red cabbage, and fresh ground pepper. There were intelligent people everywhere of every race and culture. I would go there for PEACE, because with all the NOISE I found peace. The voices sort of blended together, the HIPPY guitar would play in the background outside and I would study. Without anxiety or that now too familiar 'fear of life', I could study. All the sounds would blend together in a peaceful white noise of nothingness.

Amongst the noise, I could hear the Holy Spirit talk to me and I could ponder for hours and memorize anything that I desired. As I stared off into the distance, tears filled my eyes and I felt a rush of cold air pass through me. Surely, I was crazy and probably drank one too many iced mocha coffees. I began to cry for no apparent reason. Perhaps, it was just being 19 years of age and being on my own in Tucson, AZ? Perhaps I missed my family in Bisbee? However, without a warning, I began to cry and I felt a terrible stillness. Embarrassed, I quickly gathered my books, and hussled back to the dormitory.

Wiping my eyes, I flung open the door to the floor where my room was, and my closest friend said, "Patsy...Call home! There is an emergency.!!!" (It was just Shannon. She was trying to get me back for the night before when I unrolled a large red carpet down the hallway and played a fake trumpet for her as she left on a hot date.) "Shut up!! I told her. "Don't be so stupid!!!" She grabbed me by my shoulders and said, "I'm serious Patsy. You need to call home." My life as I knew it, just stopped. Everything came to a bloody, gut wrenching bursting HALT.

Someone must have 'carried me' that night, as I don't remember the two hour drive home in the dark. Somehow I made it safely to the Copper Queen Hospital. Running as fast I could through the red rose bushes, I made it to the front doors. Out of breath, I pulled open the doors and saw my siblings with devastated faces and a doctor in a white coat, with no face. My oldest sister said, "Mom died Patsy. Mom died about fifteen minutes ago." The doctor said, 'I can give you some valium. It will help you sleep tonight.'

Sleep??? I don't want to Sleep!!! Someone wake me up! Someone wake me up from this NIGHTMARE. Thanksgiving is four days away....and she's GONE?

No one woke me that night.

It was real.

My Mom was GONE.